Genevieve Turning Two

Mimi's sweet little angel on her 2nd birthday with her mommy and daddy. What a blessing God has brought into all of our lives. Genevieve had two birthday celebrations for her second birthday this year.



Genevieve's birthday celebration with her parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles.



Grandma Brown with Genevieve as she tried out her slide.

Aunt Charity next to her sister, Leah (Genevieve's mom)

Mimi & Grandpa Joe


Uncle Chris with his brother, Andrew (Genevieve's daddy)

Some family with Genevieve: Grandpa & Grandma Brown, Mimi, & Andrew watching Genevieve enjoy her new slide.



Genevieve learning to swing on her big person's swing:

Blessings in May

The irony about my blog's name is that part of the title, May Flowers, also represents my family of origin's name. I was one of six Flower children.... : )
My last name was Flower, before marriage, and it was quite amusing that my 3 brothers had to live with that name during the era of the "Flower Children" and "Flower Power".... in the late '60's and the '70's.

However, my blog for this month is basically about the poignant event of God's blessing...our first grandchild, Genevieve Elise. She was born May 10, 2007 and has just now turned two.

I never realized what being a grandparent was all about until this sweet little girl came into our lives. I don't even know if I can put it into words. What I do know is that she represents some very special qualities. Thinking about Genevieve, I can't help but think about the fact that there is a part of my youngest son, Andrew, in her and that in itself brings tears of joy to my heart. I also see much of her mother, Leah, in her which adds another side to Genevieve that brings about many beautiful attributes. Genevieve's parents are raising her to be a woman of God--grandparents' prayers being answered.

Genevieve is my little 'flower' who brings joy, fun, laughter, amazement, an additional sense of purpose, hope and love to our lives. I watch how my son's life has changed since having her and how his face lights up in her company. Genevieve has melted her father's heart and brought meaning and purpose to his life. I love to watch him with her in quiet moments ... at bedtime when he's reading to her. As they cuddle together, she listens to her daddy's voice as he reads to her and they both enjoy their quiet moments together.

After losing our first-born son, Joey, I lost all joy for many, many months and never thought that I could ever experience joy or hope again. God has changed that for me as I sought His face and allowed Him to work on my heart once again by leaning on Him for strength and willingness to go on. Through that process, the day came when I could smile again and have random moments of hope and laughter. Then Genevieve came into the world and into our lives, bringing new life and joy to our hearts.

After having 3 sons, our granddaughter is an unique blessing. I am incredibly grateful that God has blessed us with such a precious gift and treasure any moments we can spend with her.


'Genevieve playing ball at the lake'



'Genevieve's 2nd Birthday at the lake'


'm-m-m good...getting every last bite of icing'


'Birthday celebration over; cuddle time with Dad'

Transition from April to May

April was always a month I looked forward to with great anticipation and excitement as a month of rebirth and renewal...a month of transition from the winter months to the spring full of fresh beauty. Now the beautiful month of April is laced with sadness for within the beauty of renewed life, there is the sadness of Joey's life gone. A lost life in the midst of nature's rebirth.

April Showers...May Flowers. April showers brings tears of sadness in my grief over the loss of my son. God has been my refuge and has given me strength to live my life with His purpose in mind. God has been my Compassion ....my Counselor...my Rock...my Hope. Living with intention for Him is what brings meaning and purpose to my life and has empowered me, one day at a time, to continue to move forward.

Now, transitioning from April to May:

May Flowers: With the approach of May, I now introduce the other important event that May represents to me...the birth of my first grandchild...Genevieve Elise. She was born to our youngest son, Andrew and his sweet wife, Leah on May 10, 2007. What a joy and blessing God has brought into our lives. The month of May brings to mind the beauty of flowers....flowers everywhere of every color and size that brings delight and smiles to those who take the time to enjoy them. Genevieve is like those flowers...full of life that has brought sunshine and smiles and laughter to my heart. Genevieve is full of wonder and loves the world she lives in. She brings an extraordinary joy to those who love her. After having three sons of my own, our granddaughter is a special blessing in our lives. Through the month of May, I will post pictures of our granddaughter in celebration of the beautiful life God has brought into our lives.


Genevieve--nearly two--enjoying romping in the front yard at the lake, holding a flower.

IN MEMORY OF JOEY
Joey in Junior High (14)

While visiting in Ohio: A tender moment when Joey found a stranded baby bird Joey at 16 or 17 loved to fishA proud moment!

One of Joey's happiest events in his life: marrying Carla Joey with wife, Carla after a successful fishing expedition

Loved to cook and was great at it. One of his dreams was to open a restaurant.Joey's last Christmas with us.At peace on the water This is how I choose to remember Joey today.
Joey had a passion for fishing; his happiest moments being at the waterI dedicate this post to you in your memory:
Joey: November 17, 1967-April 16, 1997

We lost Joey 12 years ago today--12 years since I've heard his voice. The silence is deafening. I thought it would get easier, but the longer there is silence, the sadder it becomes. I can say today however, that the paralyzing shock and grief has faded, leaving random moments when I my heart aches for him....missing him.

I've been sitting here spanning Joey's life. Words are not coming to me tonight. There is so much to say, but where to start, I do not know. Joey was 29 when he died. Some of his life was good and some of it was difficult. Through it all, I loved him. He knew I loved him. His dad loved him. He had two brothers who loved him. He had two cats who loved him. He had friends who enjoyed being with him. Most importantly, God loves him. In the last couple of weeks of his life, in the midst of his pain, he was seeking God. He had a relationship with God even though he was struggling. I know that he is with God today.

Joey, I love you son. You have blessed me with your life...your smile...your laughter....your heart....your beautiful green eyes and curly hair. You have blessed me with your energy...your giftedness in so many areas, such as your art, your writing, your musical talents, your ability to decorate your apartment/house, your cooking talents, and your love for the ocean/gulf/beach/fishing. Your gardening expertise amazed me. I have been blessed by your tender heart. Joey, you have always been a very important and special part of my life and I am the person I am today partly because of who you have been in my life. I loved being your mom.

Even though you are not here in person, you are very much alive in my heart and will always deeply love you.

Since your death, Joey, I have run to God for refuge, help and strength, for He is strong in my weakness. He has shown me more of Him and His infinite Grace & Mercy. In "The Purpose Driven Life", it states: 'The Bible says, "God has planted eternity in the human heart." 'You have an inborn instinct that longs for immortality. This is because God designed you, in His image, to live for eternity. Even though we know everyone eventually dies, death always seems unnatural and unfair. The reason we feel we should live forever is that God wired our brains with that desire."

He is teaching me how important it is to live in light of eternity. "To make the most of your life, you must keep the vision of eternity continually in your mind and the value of it in your heart." Your death has been very difficult to accept; however, God is showing me to live purposefully for His Glory & in His time, I will one day join you to be in God's presence. Until then.....

Psalm 23

Hope in the Midst of Grief & Sorrow

God is with me. You never let go. You keep loving me and holding me tight through the storms...through the moments of deep agonizing pain and sadness. I've lost a son too early in my life and there is no end to the pain. You know that pain, Lord. You sacrificed your Son for us out of your immeasurable love for us.

There is only one hope; I cry out to Jesus. He is my hope...my comfort....and because He understands struggles, pain and brokenness...I know I can take refuge in Him. The pain is there, but so is He and he gives me strength to endure and in that journey, I am drawn closer to Him.

I know through the process of grief, that there have been times that I've cried out to you God and asking 'Why'. "Why did Joey have to die. He was seeking your face in the midst of his pain and then he was gone. 'Why"? I don't understand. What happened?"

You in your infinite Grace, Love, and patience told me that I cannot understand right now, but to trust you in your perfect plan...your sovereignty. I choose to trust you, Lord for if I stay in the "why's", I stay stuck and cannot move forward. I know you have a purpose in each of our lives and you have told me to persevere for your Glory and to press on to fulfill your intended purpose for my life.

When I listen to the music, I hear "How Great is Our God" and knowing that with all my heart and spirit, tears fall....You are an awesome God and I am thankful that my son....the son you gave me for 29 years...is with you today experiencing your Glory! I miss him with every fiber of my being but am grateful that he is in your presence, no longer feeling pain or experiencing tears.

God, I choose to live my remaining life purposefully and intentionally for you. There is still much to learn and experience as I practice the presence of God in my life.

Amazingly, when I first started this entry tonight, I was feeling overwhelmed with grief for my son and was struggling with so many emotions; yet as I wrote and listened to the music, I began to turn my heart to God once again and as I experienced His presence and love, my heart was filled with His peace. Thank you God for your everlasting Love and Grace.

Psalm 42:1&2

As the deer pants for streams of water,

so my soul pants for you Lord, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God

JOEY'S LIFE IN PICTUES-first 6 years

I've posted a few pictures of Joey as a very young child. He was full of energy and adventure. Joey loved animals, spent hours building with blocks and setting up hot-wheel tracks. He spent endless hours outside, whether it was our back yard or at the beach. He fearlessly 'ran' for the gulf waters as though he was drawn by a magnet.

Joey's first Christmas at one month old

Heading for the water like a turtle...fearless and full of adventure

Joey on his bike Tinkering with the lawn mower Joey outdoors thinking about picking a hibiscus flower for mom My Sweet Joey

Spent hours setting up hot wheel tracks and racing

An architect in the making

Joey on a warm day in the dunes in January Joey expressing great delight in discovering a litter of kitties in our cupboard Joey in Kindergarden

Ramblings of a Mother's heart

"The Heavens Declare the Glory of God": Psalm 19:1

Today is difficult. Opening my eyes this spring morning, my first thoughts are of Joey and that deep aching was there in my heart and spirit. For me, the days leading up to the anniversary of his death are the days that are abysmally painful. Honestly, I did not want to get out of bed. Does it ever get any better? How can I do this? How can I live without my first-born son? I so desperately want him back! Can I ever face never having to see him again? It seems so insurmountable! One of my worse fears have come true. I lost a child. How can a mother ever live with that. If only I could hear his voice again. How sad I have to pull out an old family video to hear and see him again...glimpses of him. I just want to close my eyes and my heart and not face the day.

Here's my hope for today. God. He is my hope, my strength, my purpose, my refuge. He nudged me to get out of bed this morning. "For what", I asked. "For my Glory", He tells me. "You and I can do this....just let me and I'm there with you."

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength,

They will soar on wings like eagles,

They will run and not grow weary,

They will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

When I first lost my son, I was overwhelmed to the point of giving up. God, in His infinite wisdom and grace showed me that wasn't an option. I was to continue and to live purposefully for Him. In that place, He would give me the strength to move forward, one day at a time. I have learned that in my weakest moments, He has been my greatest strength.

2 Corinthians 12:9: "My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

When I rely on Him totally, I have found strength that can only come from Him to make it through the day. In the knowledge that He is here with me gives me a peace that I cannot describe. To experience peace in the midst of loss is beyond comprehension.

For today, from not even wanting to get out of bed to face a day of painful grief and loss to experiencing peace in the midst of loss is God at work in my life. I am amazed at who God is. I love the quote in "The Purpose Driven Life":

"When you fully comprehend that there is more to life than just here and now, and you realize that life is just preparation for eternity, you will begin to live differently. You will start to live in light of eternity and that will color how you handle every relationship, task, and circumstance. " When I keep my eyes focused on God and eternity with Him, I am drawn closer to Him. He is all I truly need.

Joey, I deeply love you and even though I miss you so, there is peace knowing you are in God's arms.

Remembering Joey

Joey (2 1/2) happily swinging on his tree swing in our back yard.
He loved being outdoors. : )

Remembering Joey

April....a season of spring showers,renewal, rebirth, beauty, renewed life...

Where to start is the question as I ponder the direction and purpose of this blog. My life is comprised of many seasons and experiences so where to start is no simple task.

The month of April I will dedicate to my first-born son, Joey; there may be some random other writings as well, but the purpose of this month is to remember Joey, who died April 16, 1997.

At just 19, I gave birth to a sweet baby boy November 17, 1967. I remember that day like it was just yesterday. Actually, he came in the middle of the night. I was so naive, I didn't realize what was happening when my water broke and rushing to the hospital that foggy night, Joey came very fast. Those first few months were a whirlwind for me being a new young mom....what an adventure.

Joey...blond curls and green eyes and a smile that lit up his face and my heart.

Full of laughter
Adventurous
Cuddly
Loved to be read to
Built awesome towers out of blocks
and then knocked them down bringing on giggles
Hours of hot wheel races and building tracks
Contentment & laughter on the swing
We picnicked in the back yard
He was fearless at the beach crawling to the water
Laughter and easy smiles
He loved life...his puppy (Snoopy)....his kitties
Full of life and fun.

I miss you, Joey more than words can express. I still ache for you with every fiber of my being; and my love for you is forever, even though you are no longer with us. Those are my honest 'mom' feelings and yet there are other feelings that co-exist in me at the same time. You not being here is bittersweet. I know where you are today and that you are now in God's arms with no more suffering or tears .... knowing that brings a painful peace.

My hope in the near future is to post a few photos of Joey and also to learn how to put a playlist on this blog.

A Work in Progress

A work in progress begins my blog. This is a new experience for me and am still learning how to set up a blog. A work in progress includes not only the mechanics of putting a blog together, but also my life of many seasons is a work in progress as God continues to transform my heart ...my thoughts....my attitudes...my prayer life...my relationships. I am clay in the potter's hands. : ) He's molding me daily to be more like HIm in preparation for eternity with Him. During the seasons of my life, this has been a very painful process, however, it's that process I find great joy and gratutude in.

The title of my blog April Showers....May Flowers reflects two very important events in my life:
April Showers....represents the untimely death of my son Joey who died April 16th, 1997 at age 29.
May Flowers....represents the birth of our first grandchild...Genevieve Elise...on May 10, 2007. You will hear more about them in later posts as you will hear about other family whom I love and adore.
Every year, April and May come and go....bringing showers of tears in my grief for my son and deep joy and gratefulness for my sweet granddaugher...two poignant events within the many seasons of my life.