God is with me. You never let go. You keep loving me and holding me tight through the storms...through the moments of deep agonizing pain and sadness. I've lost a son too early in my life and there is no end to the pain. You know that pain, Lord. You sacrificed your Son for us out of your immeasurable love for us.
There is only one hope; I cry out to Jesus. He is my hope...my comfort....and because He understands struggles, pain and brokenness...I know I can take refuge in Him. The pain is there, but so is He and he gives me strength to endure and in that journey, I am drawn closer to Him.
I know through the process of grief, that there have been times that I've cried out to you God and asking 'Why'. "Why did Joey have to die. He was seeking your face in the midst of his pain and then he was gone. 'Why"? I don't understand. What happened?"
You in your infinite Grace, Love, and patience told me that I cannot understand right now, but to trust you in your perfect plan...your sovereignty. I choose to trust you, Lord for if I stay in the "why's", I stay stuck and cannot move forward. I know you have a purpose in each of our lives and you have told me to persevere for your Glory and to press on to fulfill your intended purpose for my life.
When I listen to the music, I hear "How Great is Our God" and knowing that with all my heart and spirit, tears fall....You are an awesome God and I am thankful that my son....the son you gave me for 29 years...is with you today experiencing your Glory! I miss him with every fiber of my being but am grateful that he is in your presence, no longer feeling pain or experiencing tears.
God, I choose to live my remaining life purposefully and intentionally for you. There is still much to learn and experience as I practice the presence of God in my life.
Amazingly, when I first started this entry tonight, I was feeling overwhelmed with grief for my son and was struggling with so many emotions; yet as I wrote and listened to the music, I began to turn my heart to God once again and as I experienced His presence and love, my heart was filled with His peace. Thank you God for your everlasting Love and Grace.
Psalm 42:1&2
As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you Lord, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God
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