Jeremiah 29:11

Jeremiah 29:11
I've been pondering this scripture lately. Jeremiah 29:11 says: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." When I can set my mind on this promise, there is peace in my spirit and in my life.

As a young mom, I would worry so much about my sons...are they okay?....where are they right now?....are they warm enough?....are they hungry?....why are they so cranky today?....they're not feeling good...what's wrong?....am I doing the right thing?....what if somebody hurts them?....what if one of them died?....and on and on. Sometimes the fears would be debilitating. Some of my decisions were made out of this fear. Looking back, I can see how I would lose the joy of the day I was in with them for my focus was on my fear of losing them or making the wrong decisions, or not knowing what to do next or what if I'm a 'bad' mom and make mistakes in raising them.

In a life-changing event, I became a Christian when Joey was 10 and Chris was 4. This was the beginning of a new life for me and a long process of God molding me more into His image. God showed me through His word and His Holy Spirit that I have help....it's God...it's Jesus. The refining process has been a long and painful one, but one I am so ever grateful for.

From the combination of having a personal relationship with God and being in a 12-step program, I learned that my focus needs to be on today. If I take my focus off of God and start living in the past or the future, I've missed today and what God is showing me for this day and ultimately for the future. There was much work to be done within this process and there was so much to learn. I cannot stay in the "what-ifs" ...that keeps me stuck in my fears. However, trusting God to be who He says He is, enables me to be free from those fears. He promises to be with me always. Going through that process of living "one day at a time" freed me up to focus on God and what He wants me to learn and how He wants me to be. It's a discipline that is difficult but truly worthwhile and life-changing. It can be done with the help of the Holy Spirit.

I was in the 12-step program for 7 years and practicing those principles everyday along with growing in Christ, when we experienced a heart-wrenching crisis. I am forever grateful for what I learned during those years. Not realizing it then, God was preparing me for future events in my life.

You see...my worse fear (that I gave to God) did come true. I lost my first-born son 12 years ago to a car wreck at 29. I was devastated and living my worse nightmare. How could this happen?? The first few months were a whirlwind of shock and disbelief... feeling utterly lost. Fortunately, because of the 12-step program I was in and my personal relationship with God, He showed me several ways to live with this grief...this dark time in my life. Because I actively practiced the principles of the AA program and my love relationship with God, those principles came through automatically. It was already a deeply embedded part of who I am.

I'm not saying this was easy...far from it. God does not tell us this life is easy, but He does promise to be with us always and to be there to help us. One of the ways that helped to give me some hope is remembering to live just for today...or for this hour...or for this minute. That was more manageable for me than thinking that I would never, ever see Joey again. That was just too overwhelming for me to handle...but I could live without him for this moment or for this hour and gradually for this day. God was there to remind me of this truth whenever I needed Him.

My grieving process has been long and very painful. However, I have learned that God is all sufficient, even in the loss of my son. It's bittersweet...I've lost my son,but gained a closer relationship with God. I've learned I can survive. I've learned that there are others out there who have loss and need hope in order to go on. God has used me in that capacity...to show others that there is hope even in the midst of tragedy and loss.

Jeremiah 29:11 has been one of the scriptures that I believe and have been able to gain strength, encouragement, and hope from. God is majestic in all His ways. Praise God for His Mercy and Grace.